


i like this place (it feels spooky)

by asideofourown



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Cute Kids, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Fluff, Halloween, Haunted Houses, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Multi, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-05 05:18:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21202403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asideofourown/pseuds/asideofourown
Summary: “Nanny!” Warlock exclaimed, jumping in front of her as she reached the front steps.  “Please take me to the Halloween haunted house tonight!”Nanny Ashtoreth looked down at him, one eyebrow arched perfectly above the lenses of her dark glasses.  “What have we said about asking for things?” she said sternly.Warlock rolled his eyes, and left off the ‘please’ as he repeated, “Take me to the Halloween haunted house tonight!  Don’t worry, Brother Francis can come too, if you want.  Can we go?  It’ll be fun!  ’N spooky!”Nanny’s lips twitched into a small, wry smile.  “I suppose with that argument, I have no choice,” she said.[Warlock, Nanny Ashtoreth, and Brother Francis go to a haunted house]





	i like this place (it feels spooky)

**Author's Note:**

> I was _this_ close to calling this fic tickety-BOO yall have no idea
> 
> Enjoy!

“I’ll take you next year, alright, sport?” Thaddeus Dowling said genially, ruffling his son’s hair.“I know I said we could go this year, but the president’s got urgent business for me in the good old US of A this week, I’ve got to leave tonight.Ask your mom, maybe she can go?”

Warlock edged away from his father with a scowl and pushed his hair out of his eyes— Nanny would probably make him comb it again, with his luck.“She’s in Paris,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at the ground.“For her dumb friend’s thing, ‘member?”

“Don’t call your mother’s friends dumb,” Thaddeus scolded automatically, and then sighed.He patted Warlock on the head again.“You’re learning a life lesson, kiddo,” he said, already turning away.“Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.”

With those incredibly encouraging words he left Warlock to stew, off to whatever meeting he had to attend.Warlock stuck out his tongue at his father’s back and then stormed downstairs and out into the garden, crunching across the grass and kicking up fallen leaves as he went.He spotted Brother Francis pottering around in a flower bed and altered his course, collapsing dramatically in the grass in the gardener’s periphery and huffing out a loud sigh.

“Good evening, young master Warlock,” Brother Francis said calmly, pulling up a few weeds and placing them to the side with care.“What’s got you in a temper?”

Warlock pulled up a handful of grass, throwing it in the air.Some of it landed on his face, and he spluttered and squirmed in the grass until it was all off.“There’s a haunted house thingie tonight only, for Halloween, in the next town over.Dad said he’d take me after dinner,” he said, sitting up properly and picking at the grass again.He didn’t look up, but he could tell that Brother Francis was entirely focused on him anyway.That was just how the gardener _was_— when Warlock talked to him, he always felt like what he was saying was important.

“He can’t, though, because the _president_ wants him to go back to America,” Warlock added bitterly.He knew he was pouting, and he knew that if Nanny were around she would tell him to buck up, that he only had four more years to prepare to rule the world and then he could crush anyone who had wronged him beneath the heel of his sneaker, but Nanny wasn’t around so she couldn’t stop him.

Brother Francis exhaled slowly, and Warlock looked up to see the gardener studying him with pity and frustration.“I know your father’s job is demanding,” he murmured, almost to himself.“But _really_, when one makes a promise—“

Warlock flopped back again, staring up at the sky.It was October, and it was a bit too chilly to be outside after dinner in only a sweater, but at least it wasn’t raining.

“I would offer to bring you,” Brother Francis said regretfully, glancing down at the flowerbeds again.“But I’m afraid I don’t have a car.”

As if on cue, somewhere not too far away a car’s engine revved before the quiet of the dusk returned.Warlock sat up abruptly, his eyes wide.“Nanny does!” he exclaimed, clutching at the grass in excitement.“She could drive me!”He started to grin, and jumped to his feet.“C’mon, Brother Francis, let’s go ask her!”He grabbed Brother Francis’s sleeve and pulled him towards the house.

Brother Francis let him, but said, “Isn’t she out until later tonight?”

Warlock shook his head.“I think she just got back,” he replied, leading Brother Francis through the side gate.Sure enough, just as he had suspected, Nanny Ashtoreth was just getting out of her car as they rounded the side of the house.Warlock let go of Brother Francis’s sleeve to run and intercept her.

“Nanny!” he exclaimed, jumping in front of her as she reached the front steps.“Please take me to the Halloween haunted house tonight!”

Nanny Ashtoreth looked down at him, one eyebrow arched perfectly above the lenses of her dark glasses.“What have we said about asking for things?” she said sternly.

Warlock rolled his eyes, and left off the ‘please’ as he repeated, “Take me to the Halloween haunted house tonight!”

Nanny frowned slightly.“Your father isn’t taking you?” she asked.Her lip curled as she added, “For _father-son bonding?”_

Warlock huffed.“He has to go work.”

“Insufferable man,” Nanny grumbled, her back straightening a little.She glanced up from Warlock, and even though she was wearing dark glasses, he could tell she was looking at Brother Francis.Warlock looked over his shoulder just in time to see Brother Francis shrug helplessly.

“Hm,” Nanny murmured.“I suppose my schedule must be adjusted, then.”

Warlock looked back up at her as he realized with a flash what was going on.Of course, Warlock and his father had been planning to be out all evening, Brother Francis and Nanny must have planned a date!Warlock knew they had crushes on each other, of course— they pretended not to like each other, but he wasn’t _stupid_.Besides, he was sure he had caught them kissing once, or at least talking with their faces really close and Brother Francis pressed against the wall.

Warlock wrinkled his nose.Adults kissing and being in love and stuff was yucky, of course, but he didn’t want to ruin Nanny’s date with Brother Francis.“Don’t worry,” Warlock said confidently, turning back to Nanny.“Brother Francis can come too, if you want.Can we go?It’ll be fun!’N spooky!”

Nanny’s lips twitched into a small, wry smile.“I suppose with that argument, I have no choice,” she said, and then glanced up at Brother Francis again.“Francis?”

He shuffled over, cleared his throat.“Oh, well,” he said a little awkwardly, twisting his hat in both hands.“I suppose…? I ought to come, if you’d like, to supervise.”He gave Nanny a significant look.“Wouldn’t want things to be unbalanced.”

Nanny smiled sharply.“Oh, never.But Warlock, dearie…”Warlock held his breath and looked up at her pleadingly, hoping.“Go change your jumper before we leave,” was all she said, looking down at him again.“I hope all those grass stains are from causing mischief and mayhem.”

“Of course,” Warlock lied, a wide grin spreading over his face.He threw his arms around Nanny in a quick hug before racing into the house, calling over his shoulder, “Thanks, Nanny!”

“Don’t thank me!” Nanny shouted after him, and Warlock laughed as he let the front door slam shut behind him.It took him only a minute or two to change into a clean sweater and grab his jacket, and he called into his father’s office on the way down the stairs, “Nanny’s taking me to the haunted house!”

“What?” Thaddeus Dowling yelled back, but Warlock raced down the stairs and out the door before his father could protest.He found Nanny leaning against her car, her arms crossed over her chest and her posture unusually lax as she chatted to Brother Francis.

“—report went well, Beez still believes I’m doing well,” she was saying as Warlock approached.“Told ‘em whatever they wanted to hear.”

“Oh, dear,” Brother Francis murmured, and then caught sight of Warlock and smiled.“Ah, excellent.”

Warlock came to a stop in front of the two of them and straightened his back.“I’m ready!” he exclaimed.

Nanny chuckled.“Alright, you little fiend, get in the back,” she said, opening the door for him.

Warlock happily hopped in the back of Nanny’s fancy old car, and looked around for a seatbelt.“Uh, Nanny?” he said as she got in the driver’s seat and Brother Francis rounded the car to get in the other side.“Where’s the belt?”

“Haven’t got any,” Nanny said cheerfully, patting the dash of her car fondly.

“Oh, you must,” Brother Francis said disapprovingly as he got in the car and closed the door behind him.He snapped his fingers in Nanny’s direction, and then turned to look back at Warlock.“Take another look, young master Warlock, I insist you wear a seatbelt.”

“Party pooper,” Warlock thought he heard Nanny mumble, and he looked to one side to find a seatbelt tucked away in the crease of the seat.

With a grin Warlock buckled himself in, and then bounced excitedly in his seat.“Ready!”

Nanny grinned back and then started the car, peeling out of the driveway.“Crowley!” Brother Francis yelped, scrabbling to hold onto the door, and then stammered, “I— I mean, Antonia!Ashtoreth!_You!_Please drive slower!”

Nanny revved the engine, but slowed her driving just a little.Warlock leaned forward.“Your name’s not Crowley, is it?” he asked curiously, peering up at what he could see of Nanny’s face.

“It, er… it was her maiden name,” Brother Francis said, sounding nervous.

“Maiden name?” Warlock repeated curiously.Nanny was a lot of things, but he was pretty sure _maiden_ wasn’t a word often used to describe her.The way he saw it, she had always been tall and stern and strange and a little scary and a lot nice.

“Her name before she, ah, got married,” Brother Francis babbled, his face even redder than normal.Nanny was smiling a little nastily, like she was enjoying herself.

“You have a husband?” Warlock said, and then (remembering the article he had read in his father’s newspaper the other day, the article about gay people) added, “Or a wife?”

“I don’t know, Brother Francis,” Nanny said sweetly, flicking on her left blinker before aggressively turning right.“Do I have a husband, or a wife?Since you know me so well as to know my _maiden name.”_

“Ah… um…” Brother Francis mumbled.“I suppose, er, not any more?”

“How come?” Warlock asked curiously, and Nanny gave him another sharp smile.

“Do you know about black widow spiders, Warlock?” she asked.

Brother Francis made a choking sound in the back of his throat, and then exclaimed loudly, “Alright, how about some music!”He fumbled in the glove box before pulling out a tape.

“You know what that’s going to be,” Nanny said darkly, but Brother Francis ignored her and slid the tape in before turning on the stereo.Loud electric guitar blared out of the speakers before a man began to sing about his car, and Nanny laughed.“How fitting,” she said over the music.Warlock settled back in his seat with a smile and watched the countryside race by.

It was getting dark by the time they reached the haunted house in the next town, and there were already plenty of cars parked outside when they arrived.Nanny managed to find a spot and squeezed her car in before turning off the engine, the music cutting off with it.Warlock fumbled with his seatbelt before hopping out of the car, practically vibrating with excitement.Nanny and Brother Francis got out, and Brother Francis looked around curiously.

“’s over there!” Warlock exclaimed, pointing at the haunted house and the short queue of people waiting to go in.

“Ah!” Brother Francis exclaimed.“Shall we?”

Nanny reached down and took Warlock’s hand.“Stay close,” she ordered.“I’d rather not be fired for losing you.Boss’d have my head.”

“Hm,” Brother Francis said, looking a little troubled.

Warlock tugged at Nanny’s hand.“C’mon!”

The adults let him lead them over to the haunted house, and they got in the end of the queue.While Brother Francis was busy looking around with apparent interest, Warlock tugged on Nanny’s sleeve.When she bent down, he whispered, “I’m glad you’re not married anymore, so Brother Francis can have a crush on you!”

Nanny’s eyebrows went up.“Oh?”

Warlock nodded seriously.“Yup.”

“I see,” Nanny said skeptically.

“Antonia,” Brother Francis said before Warlock could insist that he was right.When Warlock looked up, the gardener was eyeing the haunted house warily.“This looks a little spooky,” he said slowly.

Nanny shrugged.She straightened, but kept hold of Warlock’s hand.“I’m a fan of spooky.”

“I mean— for—“Brother Francis shot a significant look in Warlock’s direction.

“I like spooky too!” he chirped, hanging tight onto Nanny’s fingers.He knew she, at least, would let him stay.“My favorite movie is the scary one with the button-eyed people!I won’t be frightened.”

“That’s right,” Nanny said, giving him a smile.Her teeth almost seemed sharper than normal as she added, “And if you do get scared, I’ll make whoever did it live to regret it.”

“_Antonia_,” Brother Francis sighed, but his worries seemed at least a little assuaged.

They inched closer to the start of the haunted house, and when they got to the door Nanny pulled out enough money to pay.“Do stay close,” Brother Francis said as they stepped inside.Out of the corner of his eye Warlock saw Nanny pull off her sunglasses and tuck them into her jacket pocket, but it was too dim to see her eyes.Warlock stuck close to her side and looked around with avid interest, utterly fascinated.

The haunted house didn’t seem to have a determined theme other than _spooky,_ with eerie music playing softly from somewhere as they began to walk down a dark, spiderweb-hung hallway.At the end of a hallway a door banged open, and a teenager with her face painted like a ghoul jumped out at them, screeching.Warlock jumped and then laughed, and yelled back.The ghoul grinned at him and raced past, disappearing through another door.

“My goodness!” Brother Francis exclaimed, his voice almost drowned out by the rising volume of the spooky music.“That startled me!”

Nanny just laughed, and squeezed Warlock’s hand lightly.He grinned up at her, and then pulled her towards the next room, which appeared to be decked out with faux-graveyard decorations.“C’mon!”

That pattern repeated in pretty much every room of the haunted house— something spooky would happen, Brother Francis would startle slightly, and Warlock and Nanny would laugh.Warlock was filled to the brim with excitement, practically bouncing off the walls in each room, and Nanny seemed to be having the time of her life.Her eyes almost seemed yellowish in the dim, reddish light of most of the rooms, and Warlock was pretty sure he had never seen her smile so widely without her sunglasses.

They slowly made their way through the haunted house, through the several rooms of various spooky themes before reaching the end, a short hallway lined with flickering candles in sconces that led to the exit.“Well,” Brother Francis said.He looked a little flustered, his fingers laced anxiously together.“That was certainly exciting.”

“That was great!” Warlock exclaimed, jumping up and down.He grinned up at Nanny.“Can we do that again next year?”

Nanny smiled back down at him, her eyes crinkling.“Of course, dearie.Maybe we’ll leave Brother Francis at home, though, he doesn’t seem to like jump scares—“

“AAARGHHH!”

A figure dressed in a black cloak and devil horns with a cheap plastic pitchfork jumped out from a concealed door, waving his arms in Nanny’s direction.She shrieked, startled, and jumped back.Brother Francis practically had to catch her to stop her from falling over, and Warlock collapsed to the floor into giggles.

Nanny pushed herself away from Brother Francis’s helping hand, scowling.She straightened her blouse and then said sternly to the devil, “That wasn’t very sporting.”

The devil shrugged, not at all contrite.“Sorry, ma’am, it’s my job.”Nanny sniffed.

“Nanny— Nanny, you!” Warlock gasped, clutching at his sides as he laughed.“You got scared!”

Nanny softened just slightly, and since she wasn’t wearing her sunglasses he could see when she rolled her eyes.“Alright, you little fiend,” she said, and picked him up off the ground.Warlock was still laughing too hard to protest, the picture of his stern, scary Nanny getting spooked by a dressed-up teenager endlessly hilarious, and he hung on to her tightly as they walked out.

“I thought you were a fan of spooky, my dear,” Brother Francis said with a teasing smile, and Nanny gently smacked him on the shoulder.

“I wasn’t expecting anything,” she grumbled, her voice barely audible over her heels crunching on the gravel driveway as they walked towards the car.

“I suppose it makes sense that a demon would scare you,” Brother Francis added, a laugh still in his voice.Nanny just hmphed.

Warlock looked up at her, still giggling.“That was the best part, it was so funny!” he said, patting at her shoulder.“I definitely want to come back next year!”

Nanny gave him a falsely stern look.“You’d best use this to your advantage,” she said.“Or else I haven’t taught you anything.”

They walked under a streetlight just as Warlock looked up again, and he and Nanny made eye contact.Her eyes were yellow, pupils slitted, and they widened just as Warlock said in an awed voice, “Nanny, your eyes!”

“Oh, goodness,” Brother Francis whispered.

Nanny adjusted her grip on Warlock so that she was only holding him up with one arm, and fumbled for her sunglasses.Warlock peered a little closer.“Cool!” he decided.“’s just like a cat!Is it your Halloween costume, Nanny?”

Nanny’s eyes narrowed.“…Yes,” she said, and she was lying so obviously that even _Warlock_ could tell.“Not like a cat, though. Like a snake.”

“Cool,” Warlock breathed again.Suddenly tired, he rested his head against Nanny’s shoulder.“I think they look pretty,” he said quietly, one hand curled in the fabric of her jacket.

Nanny slipped her sunglasses back on, and then patted his back gently.“Thank you, dearie.”

They reached the car, and Nanny carefully deposited him into the back seat before getting in the front with Brother Francis.“Alright, young master Warlock?” Brother Francis asked with a quiet smile as Warlock buckled himself in.

Warlock nodded.“Thanks for taking me to the haunted house,” he said before slumping down in his seat.

Nanny started the car and immediately turned down her music’s volume.“We were happy to, Warlock,” she said softly.“That’s what we’re here for. No need to thank us.”

Warlock smiled sleepily, resting his head on his hand and his elbow on the side of the door.“OK. Thanks.”Nanny gave him one last secretly nice smile before turning forward again, pulling her car out of its spot.

Just before he dozed to sleep, lulled by the hum of the road under the car’s wheels and the quiet sound of the radio, Warlock decided that this had to have been the best Halloween _ever._

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot express enough how large my soft spot is for Warlock, Brother Francis, and Nanny Ashtoreth related shenanigans. It's all just _chef's kiss_ amazing
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I'm [here](https://asideofourown.tumblr.com/) if that's something you're into


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